Lesson #4: Dream Together
I think the easiest way for a couple to “grow apart” is when they don’t dream together. Everyone has dreams. Usually our dreams evolve. If we shared our dreams with each other once when we were dating and then never brought them up again, we can only be aware of how our own dreams have evolved and we will have no idea how our spouse’s dreams have changed.
Make dreaming a regular part of your conversations. I like to do random follow-ups with my husband sometimes where I’ll ask him if he is still happy with his job or if he feels pulled in another direction. When I felt a pull to publish a picture book I’d made for my nieces and nephews or when I felt compelled to start a blog, I sat down and shared my feelings with my husband. I had always had a dream to write professionally, but I probably hadn’t talked much about it while I was living my dream of being a teacher. Once I felt that pull, I knew I needed to share those feelings with my husband so he would know and understand. He has been so supportive of my efforts!
Sometimes our dreaming sessions are realistic (what would we like to do with our tax refund) and sometimes they are total fantasies (what if we won $10 million but had to spend it all in 30 days). Doing both help strengthen your relationship and help you to see your partner’s priorities as well as your own.
When I am teaching family finance classes, our first class session includes each class member completing his/her own Financial Bucket List. When I originally give the assignment, I do not allow couples to share what they are writing. Once all class members have completed their forms, I challenge the married couples in the room to take their bucket lists and go home and have a “dream session” where they share their own dreams and talk about the other’s dreams. It is such a unifying experience!
Need a template for a Financial Bucket List of your own? You can download mine here. I hope it brings you joy!
